Sicketty sick sick sick. Not much to report as I’ve been in bed for the last three days. Every time I get up the world spins and I remember how much more sensible it is to be horizontal.  It’s a shame because there were lots of things I was going to do this weekend.  Fire Water for Vivid Sydney, partnership course at church, Sydney Craft Fair, music at church. And I did none of it.  Which is okay.  But still.

Going to Adelaide this week because my aunt wants to show me the ropes of the transcribing business she runs.  I’ve been working for her this year, and she thinks I’d be good at managing the day to day running of the business, which I can do from anywhere really, given it’s entirely run online.  She said I could come down to Adelaide (where she lives) to meet the current manager, A, who would like to move on to something else.  We’d chat about what’s involved, train me up in it and see if I want to take it on.  “If you decide you don’t want to,” she said, “that’s okay, A can just keep doing it.” So I thought fine, that’s no pressure, happy to go down and check it out.

Only a few days later, A sent an email out to all the staffers (me included) saying that someone was going to be taking over the managing from her very soon.  That means me.  Um...hmm.  I wonder if she’s gotten the wrong impression, or whether my aunt just didn’t specifically tell her that I wasn’t 100% certainly going to be taking it on.  Even though I know I could probably do the job with no problems at all, I’m a little hesitant to take things on entirely because my health and depression is still cactus, it leaves me less time to do any creative work I can get, it leaves me even less time to write (which I haven’t managed to do much of this year, even though that was the main goal), it doesn’t pay much (though my aunt wasn’t clear on money and said we’d discuss it), and I don’t want to become so enmeshed in this role that I can’t just leave it if I need to (it sounds like a fairly all-encompassing kind of gig).

But given that money has been such an issue this year so far, is it better to take on something like this than to still hope and pray that I’ll get my act together enough for other creative jobs to come in?  A few jobs that were supposed to get off the ground a couple of months ago, that I was quite excited about, haven’t materialised, and I’m starting to think that they may never eventuate.  In just trying to make enough to stay afloat, I haven’t had enough time to make up my portfolio site or even spend any time telling people I exist (though G is helping me with that).  And maybe it wouldn’t be so all-encompassing; if I’m sensible maybe I can just keep it under control. But I have a feeling that it’s the sort of job where you have to manage a constant flow of work coming in whenever the clients decide to send it, so it’s not totally predictable.

Guh. My head’s hurting again just thinking about it.  I shouldn’t have blogged about this while I’m sick!  Anyway...pray that I’ll make wise decisions and God will lead me where he wants me to be.  And, as always, that I will actually trust him (instead of just saying I trust him and panicking away in the background).