Sorry I’ve been quiet for the last little while - it’s been a very busy time.  I’ve been doing some corporate design work, which came out of the blue and was very much needed.  But it kind of pushed everything else back and has meant that I’ve been working very long days lately trying to fit it all in with my other commitments. 

Of course this all has the knock on effect of worsening my depression.  In recent times, I am never at a really good, solid place to start with, so when you add stress, less sleep, no time to do creative things, and no time to just relax and do fun things, it ends up making me feel worse than ever.  I don’t want to feel this way, I’m really trying not to wallow.  But I was just saying to mum it’s like being stuck underwater, and trying to break through the surface but there’s something blocking the way, like a mass of reeds or something.  You can push at it, but you just can’t break through.

And when I’m feeling this way I always manage to find more reeds to heap on top of myself, as it were.  It made me feel worse today to check my bank account and see that for some reason I haven’t been paid yet for any of this work, so I’ve been trying really hard and still have nothing to show for it!  The rational part of my brain goes, “just chill out, the money will come soon”, but the rest of my brain just freaks out and flaps around, panicking about having no money.

Another thing was seeing that an awful lot of weddings seem to be happening today, and people are commenting on them on Facebook and Twitter.  And when they are weddings of people I know, I get that bittersweet feeling of “how wonderful!” mixed with “waaaaaaaaa I’m still single.”

And also it’s hot and unpleasant.

So as a response I needed to write this post to remind myself of the good things that have been happening in the last little while, and not to focus on the mess that’s threatening to swamp me.

Work, work, work
It’s wonderful to have interesting things to do, to have your skills recognised, to be contracted at a decent rate of pay.  It is especially wonderful because it means that I will be able to have a break around Christmas/New Year and not have to stress about the bills being paid then.

Car
Dad’s car, which we’d been driving around for a while, finally gave up the ghost.  So I borrowed some money from him, and mum and I bought this delightful little Mazda2.  It is wonderful, we love it, and all I want to do is drive around all day in it.  It’s called Elphaba, because “it’s all grand, and it’s all green!”

Surprises
Karen had asked me to keep the 17th free.  So I did, not knowing what it would entail.  We met up at Customs House for some writing, then to Wagamama for dinner and to meet up with K’s friend Arnjali.  I started to have some inklings, but it wasn’t until we were walking towards the Opera House that I realised the surprise was a ticket to see Tori Amos.  Brilliant!  Sat almost in the same place as when I went to see Ben Folds.  Not sure whether it was better than her last show at the Opera House, but it definitely had a more relaxed, playful vibe to it.

People
We had our last official Bible study gathering this past Wednesday.  It was a great night of dessert and sharing what we’re thankful for.  And every single one of us was grateful for the group and how we’ve grown both in our relationships with each other and our relationships with God.  The group has been such a blessing and I just pray that we’ll be able to keep continuing on in that fellowship, even if the group doesn’t look the same in 2010.  We’re all going to miss Mark‘s excellent studies and leadership!

So there you go.  Lots to be thankful for!