Have I talked about going to college at all here yet? Only the merest of mentions.  Okay.  Well as you may or may not know, this year I am starting a Diploma of Bible and Youth Ministry at Moore Theological College (hereafter MTC).  Why?  I love God.  I love learning.  I love being involved in ministry at church.  I love children and young people.  I wanted to get a firmer foundation and greater knowledge in all these areas.  I wanted to know God better and love him more.  I wanted to be well equipped for whatever work he has in store for me, in whatever capacity that might be.

Last year at church, our pastor Kurt interviewed Nick, who was just finishing year 12.  He talked about his plans for the future, had worked out that he wanted to be in ministry and mapped out the steps he would take to get there over the next several years.  He was so sure and so determined and passionate about it.  And although Kurt laughed and said that the details of Nick’s plans change from week to week, the essence was there - he wanted to work for God and would take the necessary steps to get there.  Kurt challenged us by saying that in the secular world we talk a lot about 5 year plans and projections for the future, but how often do we do that personally, in our Christian lives?

So that night I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would help me work out what I was doing and where he wanted me to be.  And the next morning the thought rang in my head, clear as a bell: go to theological college.

This is momentous mainly because I have been avoiding doing so for a long time.  For years people have been saying to me, “so have you thought about going to college?” And each time I’d screw up my face and shake my head.  It’s not that I had anything against being theologically trained at all ("some of my best friends are college students!") but there seemed too many barriers to me doing it.  Of course they were self-imposed barriers, but I had to get over them first.  Well, really, God had to show me that they weren’t really barriers at all.

Barrier 1: I didn’t think I could cope studying full time again
Degrees at Moore are interesting and exciting, but also academically rigorous.  There is a huge workload it seems, and all the friends I’ve had go through college have developed that strange, haunted, “I have a Greek assignment due this week” kind of look about them.  They also develop a passion for obscure board games.  They read, read, read.  They wax lyrical about all sorts of theological concepts that make absolutely no sense to me.  They read some more.  They go into complete lock down around exam time.  Then they disappear during the holidays to Somewhere That Isn’t Newtown to lick their wounds and prepare for another term.  Well that’s how it seemed sometimes anyway.  I love learning but didn’t know if I had it in me to do four years of such intense study and didn’t think I wanted to study full time.  And then MTC announced that in 2010 you could take all of their courses part time.  And that one of their diplomas had a youth ministry focus. 

Barrier: destroyed!

Barrier 2: I didn’t want to do MTS
Working at AFES for seven years I saw many people tread the path of two-years-of-MTS-and-then-four-years-of-college (MTS stands for the Ministry Training Strategy and basically chucks you in the deep end of ‘ministry’ as an apprentice.  Guan is in the middle of a fantastic diary series for The Briefing about his first year as a ministry apprentice at UNSW.  Recommended reading!).  MTS is extremely valuable and a life changing experience for everyone who does it; it shows you your strengths and weaknesses and gives you a taste for what a life in ministry is like. But I just didn’t want to do it.  Which is ridiculous, because in no way now or ever has MTS been a prerequisite for college.  It’s often a recommended step, but not essential.

Barrier: destroyed! (or completely imaginary in the first place!)

Barrier 3: I didn’t want to live in
Living in community is one of the big things about Moore.  It seems half of Newtown is either owned by the college or occupied by its students (and there are also pockets of MTC community in Stanmore, north Parramatta and Croydon Park).  Families get to live in terrace houses or flats, single men live in John Chapman House and single women live in Carillon House.  I never wanted to live at residential college when I was at secular uni and although I know living in community is a huge bonus for building relationship and is very convenient for actually being at college, I didn’t think I would cope too well with it.  Being a 30-something single woman too...it’s not like I’m a 20 year old leaving the family home to go to college.  It would cause a major upheaval for not just me, but mum too (who I live with), as she wouldn’t be able to keep living where we do.  When I met with Tara, the Dean of Women, last year, she said being a part time student I wouldn’t have to live in.

Barrier: destroyed!

Barrier 4: I couldn’t afford it
People I know have saved up heaps of money before they go to college.  I have no savings.  I am crap with money.  I wouldn’t be able to afford living expenses let alone the fees if I didn’t work.  A few years ago college got accredited to be able to offer FEE-HELP from the government.  And attending part time means I can still do my freelance design/transcribing/whatever work.  It will be a busy year and I’ll need to be on top of my time management, but it is possible.

Barrier: destroyed!

Barrier 5: My depression
Well this one is an ongoing one.  But I am not the first and certainly not the last depressive person who will go to MTC.  Being part of a Christian community will be valuable; I know people will be loving and caring.  Part timers aren’t required to, but we are encouraged to join the First Year Groups - these are small groups of people in first year that you get to know and pray with, so hopefully you can help support one another through college and you don’t struggle through your problems on your own. This will alleviate some of the fear I had of disappearing into a giant pool of people like I did in my first years at UNSW...though I like to think I have matured a bit since then!  Also, Tara encouraged me to take things at my own pace, to ask for help if I needed it.  With the part time study there is no pressure to finish in a certain timeframe so I can slow things right down if it seems like I’m not coping.

Also large groups of people exhaust me.  Getting to know people is a tiring process, though ultimately rewarding.  I just have to be aware that for the next couple of months I’m probably going to be a bit strung out and will need to guard my rest!  This weekend is the First Year Weekend Away, where we all get together to learn more about college life, hang out with one another and hopefully develop stronger relationships.  I find weekends away hard work even when it’s with people I already know quite well (I need a lot of alone time to recharge).  I made the executive decision that I wouldn’t go down tonight (Friday) but would go down on Saturday morning.  That way I’m only away for one night.  Man I sound like such a wuss.  But I think it’s mainly self-protective wussery.  I will try very hard not to let it be an excuse that stops me from getting involved in things, because I know as a part time student I’ll probably have to try a bit harder to feel included (just because everyone else is moving through twice as fast!).

Barrier: in the process of being destroyed.  Gently.

Why did I ever doubt that God knows what’s best for me?  He totally cleared the path for me; I just had to get out of my own way so I could see it.  I’m very excited about starting classes.  For the first two terms I’ll be doing classes in Old Testament and Biblical Theology.  The second two terms I will continue Old Testament and start Foundations in Youth Ministry.  I am starting to feel my brain waking up after what seems like a really long time on hiatus.

Please pray for me this year!  And ultimately that God would continue to be glorified through the many men and women who go through Moore (and other theological colleges).